Friday, March 27, 2015

The States - - #8 in the Collection.

"My State" by a Local

Oklahoma IS OK

...and rain.

Fuck Interstate 76.


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Guilty Pleasure: BEERunch & Cards Against Humanity

The Woman Who Knows Most Things, the Perfect Child and Yours Truly have enjoyed playing Cards Against Humanity while having brunch, or really BEERunch at World of Beers on Sunday mornings...
(Bottomless mimosas, beermosas, or bloody Marys, and a breakfast entree for $20. #Winning!)

Cards Against Humanity is warped and twisted... Playing it with the Wife and Daughter is an eye-opening experience.

For instance:
I had to define (gently) the term 'bukakke' to keep the PC from doing a Google search on it...

Wow. Interesting game...

Friday, March 20, 2015

This Is Not The Time... Racial Lecturing @ Starbux

Starbucks "RaceTogether"

"It's 'MacchiAto', not 'MacchiatO'

Yeah, when I want to spend 4 bucks on a mediocre cup of joe, I go to Starbucks...

Now if one is so inclined, you get earful of entitled bohemian blathering at you about racial equity in addition to your overpriced java.

Entitled Bohemian Barista: "While (pick appropriate hipster name: Leonora, Asher, Sadie, Willa, Roscoe) makes your doubleshot, half-caf-half-soy skinny latte, would you like to chat about race relations?"

Yours Truly: "Well, if you want to.... Do you believe that Kanye West accurately reflects the black man's perspective and societal aspirations, especially when he tweets pictures of Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass?" 

Yeah, that's what I thought.
Shut your piehole and ring up the next pretentious asshole in line, princess.


Joke Time...

Q: Why did the Blonde fail her Calculus exam?

A: She had a Biology test on the same day, and being that she is a Bio major she felt it would be in her best interest to put more emphasis on the Bio test because she was only taking Calc as an advanced elective credit which would not effect her major GPA.


The States - #7 in the series.

"My State" by a Local

"What exit?"

"It only seems like a shithole because of most of New Jersey works here."

'Hi' in the middle and round on both ends.


Friday, March 13, 2015

The States - #6

"My State" by a Local

'Freak Bear Accident' is the name of a local band in Bozeman.

Next stop- the Bronze Age

Minot, why not?

Everyone gets their Federal agricultural subsidy check subscription along with their birth certificate. (But you can trade it in for a meth lab operator's license)


Thursday, March 12, 2015


I had a Kamikaze trip to the great Northeast on Wednesday.
A quick trip to the casino in Uncasville CT and back to Jax in what should have been a bit over 24 hours, but instead dragged on interminably.
United still sucks, still can't get a plane off the ground on time, still has the worst customer service, and is just horrible overall. But I digress...

So I spent an overabundance of time waiting - waiting for people to arrive, for meetings to start, waiting to get info I needed, waiting for planes to arrive, waiting for planes to board, waiting for planes to take off, waiting... waiting... waiting.

I always have a stack of reading materials on my iPad and my phone (in case the iPad battery goes flat) and didn't feel like getting back into the Aubrey-Maturin British naval series again, and had breezed through most of the collected John D. MacDonald 'Travis McGee' books in the relatively recent past...
I needed couple fast-but-fun literary diversions so I dug into the "reads" folder on the iPad and read two pieces while wearing my United Airlines-provided shackles of durance vile...
A favorite from my sordid youth- Bester's The Stars My Destination which I had downloaded and read a couple years ago, went down smooth...

Great 1950's pulp sci-fi. Go. Read.
Bonus points: Read the serialized version in Galaxy magazine.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

On the DC to JAX flight I devoured an H. Beam Piper & John McGuire short story - Lone Star Planet I pulled off Project Gutenberg, another '50 vintage scifi story.
Political intrigue, Texas, alien invasion, and SuperCow. 
What's not to like?

I'm saving the other HPB quick read Four Day Planet for then next time United has me bent over the back a couch... This one includes a plucky kid reporter, corrupt unions, shipwrecks & monster hunting. A great way to occupy one's mind, since thoughts of  homicide come unbidden as you wait through airport delays...

When I don't have a good read at hand, the thoughts that this particular Gate Agent would make an excellent centerpiece at a funeral just swirl through my gray matter with an awful vividness...


Must be time for my Prozac.


(Maturin! Damn you autocorrect!)

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Airport Musings

Waiting at JAX to see if my flight will:
A) depart on time
B) depart late
C) get canceled
D) something else horrible

So I watch Airport-CNN. (spit)

I'm wondering about the Hillary Email Brouhaha and her adamant refusal to turn over the server for digital forensic investigation is actually a pretty issue to solve.

We can ask either the NSA or the Chinese for a copy of all the data...
Borepatch is right- given the probable level of incompetence on the part of whoever set up the system, smart money says that the server had the digital equivalent of a flashing neon "Welcome- No ID - No Credit Check" sign out front...

I bet any tourist could get a complete download of the files at Xiu Shui Jie in the  Beijing bootleg digital market on two non-copy protected DVDs for 150rmb.

TBG - travelin'

Friday, March 06, 2015

The States - #5

"My State" by a Local

Horror stories and lobsters. (And the seafood isn't too bad either.)

Welcome to Detroit - 4 Bedroom houses for $3,000. Bring your own AR15 modern sporting rifle.

Being a Vikings fan means never having to say 'I'm sorry'.

Show me.

I love Mississippi- it means I'm almost to New Orleans.


Thursday, March 05, 2015

Nimoy Tribute

Sadly, Leonard Nimoy has ceased to Live Long and Prosper.

Perhaps you've seen that Trek fans in Canada are defacing their local bumwad with user art depicting the Pointy-Eared One?

The Bank of Canada is pissed about it...
'Star Trek' fans told to stop 'Spocking' Canadian $5 bill

"Bank of Canada executives have urged Star Trek fans to stop a campaign to deface currency as a tribute to late actor Leonard Nimoy."
This should have been expected since Canada (and specifically Alberta) is where all the Vulcans live anyway...



Friday, February 27, 2015

Running Commentary On The Way In To The Office

What the actual fuck....?

You're looking for that pedal on the right, there, Speedy...

Yeah- that Obama sticker on your hybrid is kinda faded. You need a newer indicator that you're a douchebag...

Don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-DON'TYOUFUCKING CHANGELANES!! Fuck! You changed lanes!

Shit- is that a cop?

Oh, you are such a moron!

Really? 35 in a 55 zone?

Everyone keep driving...that's right... Keep the traffic moving...

(While waiting in the turn lane)
Stop texting and watch for the light to turn green, dumbass.
Gorrammit! LET'S. GO. ASSHOLE. ifimissthisfuckin'lighti'mgonna... SHIT!

Jeebus, some people need killin', and you're one of them.

TBG -  Two-wheelin!

The States - #4 in the Series

"My State" by a Local

But their jelly is awful on toast.

Low gas prices=worst roads in the US.

Everyone commits 5 felonies a day.

...Or confiscate it.


Saturday, February 21, 2015

Old Money Dog - In Case You Were Curious... he got that way.



Friday, February 20, 2015

So Close...

...and yet so far.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Old Money Dog has needs too...

Jeeves needs to take one for the team...

Either let him finish, or at least fake an orgasm, Jeeves.


The States- #3 in the Collection

"My State" by a Local

Home of falsified birth certificates and dope-smoking Presidents.

Not sure of where this is.

"Other Stuff" =  World-class political corruption and organized crime

So untrue. They have St. Elmo's and the Broad Ripple Brewpub...


Thursday, February 19, 2015

OMD Perpetuating Urban Myths

Old Money Dog prefers loose leaf notebook paper to Hammermill Bond.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I got dem Sitting & Waiting for My Delayed Flight Blues

Reading the headlines as I wait for my SECOND delayed flight today.


Fuck United Airlines
(My connecting flight that I was re-booked on from Houston to SFO is delayed...)


So I'm reading the headlines in my news reader...
I had caught Airport-CNN trumpeting the White House's ObamaCare figures-
ZOMG Eleventy Millions Covered! earlier this morning as I waited on my first delayed flight.
And now for the real story...
<full-on political rant about the lying sack of shit occupying the Oval Office Obama and his fecklessness, complete disregard for the truth, and his unwillingness to act like an American deleted due to rambling and lack of clarity>

Ah- fuck it. My rant got well and truly out of hand...
Fuck every one of these motherfuckers.

A dime is a dime, not 9 cents- Forbes is calling bullshit on the WH figures. Read here.

ISIS is pissed 'cause they don't have jobs?
We need in the medium to longer term to go after the root causes that leads people to join these groups, whether it’s lack of opportunity for jobs, whether… Marie Harf - State Dept spox. White House Moron Mouthpiece

Terror-fucking-ists got that way because they have legitimate complaints?
...groups like al Qaeda and ISIL exploit the anger that festers when people feel that injustice and corruption leave them with no chance of improving their lives. - B.H. Obama - LA Times
Fuck that motherfucker with ten feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fencing. Follow it up with a 6' barbed wire dildo... What a miserable, lying, sack of shit.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck?

Gah. These flight delays piss me off.... Maybe I need a Snickers bar.

This option is looking better and better....
(At least the Socialists and Communists are well-labeled and don't masquerade as Democrats.)


OMD vs. The Dusenberg

Old Money Dog needs to establish dominance.
(Especially after the War on Vacuum Cleaners)


United Airlines SOP

Whoever had "First flight delayed, connection bumped to later flight with shitty seat" in the pool is today's winner.

You can pick up your free worldwide roundtrip ticket at the betting window...
(United gives them away because the flights never leave anyway.)


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

In Celebration...

... of the flight I'm going to be on tomorrow AM...

(From the FX series "Legit")

Welcome to my world...


OMD Needs A Motorcycle

However delightful this activity may be,
Old Money Dog will bite you if you blow in his face...
(Hint: You may need a breath mint.)


Monday, February 16, 2015

Where's Your Grammar?


OMD - Ewww.

Old Money Dog must drink from the porcelain font first, though...


Sunday, February 15, 2015

OMD doesn't know what he wants


Saturday, February 14, 2015

OMD - Dining Alfresco

Old Money Dog is going out to eat tonight...


Friday, February 13, 2015

OMD has a Uniform Festish

Old Money Dog thinks the Post Service needs some instruction...


The States - #2 in a Series

"My State" by a Local

Hey, you're the ones who legalized dope. I have no sympathy for you.

Yeah- I would want to get too far from my guns either.

Two words: Joe Biden

And the further south you go, the further north you are. Welcome to Dade-Broward, the 6th Borough of NYC.

The truth doesn't always have to hurt...