Monday, July 13, 2015

Magazine Rack

I miss Omni Magazine.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

More South PA Regional Humor

The lovely town of Intercourse PA took a beating again last night...

Seems there is a small community nearby called Blue Ball... Apparently that's where you wind up if you run out of gas on the way to Intercourse.

On the way back to our hotel from dinner, the subject of Intercourse came up...
One of the guys who hadn't been around long was asking about it, if there was "Welcome to Intercourse" sign, etc.
I suggested we drive over and he could get a picture.
TBG: "It's only a couple miles..."
Other Guy: "Nah. No Intercourse for me tonight. "
TBG: "...Said no guy. Ever."

We heard they had tried to open a club called "Erectile Dysfunction" there, but it wasn't a success.
As a matter of fact, it was a complete flop...

Nobody came.


Ok... I'm done now.

Friday, July 03, 2015

Immoral Imperative - It Must Be Blogged Immediately

We are in lovely Pennsylvania - just outside Lancaster for the US Women's Open.

This place is just teeming with Mennonites and Amish.

Throwing a bunch of our guys into this kind of environment is just asking for trouble, since some of our folks don't have filters, or at least don't use them, while talking/interacting in public...

Case in point...
Just to the east of Lancaster is a place named (to the delight of snickering schoolboys everywhere) Intercourse PA.

 Of course, this becomes a topic of conversation at lunch-

Uncouth Guy1 "Intercourse? Why the fuck would they name the place that? Ha!"
Uncouth Guy2 "I wonder if all the stores & streets are as inappropriately named?"
UG1: "Edith's House of Sex Toys and Apple Butter!"
UG2: "At the corner of Rusty Trombone and Angry Dragon?"
UG1: "Yeah- right next to Dirty Sanchez Plumbing Supply."

This is why we can't go anywhere nice.


Thursday, July 02, 2015

Fiction=Real Life

Didn't we already see this movie?

Shark attack at a beachside community, city won't close beach for 4th of July weekend, more people get et.

I think Steven Spielberg is behind the shark attacks in NC, to encourage yet another showing of Jaws on TNT.


Monday, June 29, 2015

Monday Monday

Most folks dread Mondays.

Some of the time I do too, but not right this second.
In my case (today anyway) Monday means the event is over and we are breaking stuff down and heading out, or just on the way to our next event.
For me, I'm taking care of details like laundry, replenishing supplies, doing paperwork and other necessities before catching a flight tomorrow AM...
Here in Sacramento, the US Senior Open is over (Maggert won) and I'm heading on to my next victim, the US Women's Open in Lancaster PA.
Setup at Lancaster CC is underway as I type this, and will really ramp up when I arrive tomorrow.
But for today- it's a day to recover a bit and take care of business. Maybe even get my expense reports started.

Blogging will continue to be light until I finish up- I really can't justify spending a lot of time on the old Free Ice Cream machine when there are event tasks at hand...
The occasional quick one-off will still get posted... I can usually dash a quick 'WTF?' post on my smartphone when appropriate...
So hang in there, Constant Readers...
Monday's coming.


Saturday, June 20, 2015

That Guy Needs To Be The Centerpiece At A Funeral

If I had to deal with this guy on any more than a passing basis, I'd be tempted to punch his lights out, set him on fire then piss on him to put him out.

Then I'd get mean...

In the hotel lobby early this morning...
Free breakfast starts at 6:30.
About 6:31 a guy in baby blue scrubs comes in and huffs in disgust because the breakfast bar isn't ready.
The lady that takes care of it is bustling back and forth,  but the eggs and potatoes are not out yet.
Scrubby gets a cup of OJ, tastes it and makes an ugly face and sets the cup down next to the dispenser.
He stands next to the lady setting up the breakfast bar with his plate at the ready- pouncing as soon as she takes her hands away.
I guess she's lucky he didn't hip check  her to get at his industrial powdered eggs.
He sits down and arranges his plate, goes back and gets a cup of apple juice, since the OJ is not fit for consumption by humans and sits back down...

He settles in and notices that the TV is set on Fox News.
"Oh no. We're not having this!"
He turns to the front desk and shouts (really, shouts): "You just HAVE to turn that CRAP off. Put it on a REAL station!"
Channel is changed...
"No... not that."
The front desk girl gives him the remote.
He flips through until he finds NBC then cranks the volume to "uncomfortable".

And older gentleman approached him-
"Excuse me- I don't mean to get into your business, but I'm curious- are you in the medical profession? I see you're wearing doctors scrubs..."
"That's none of you business, SIR." He replied.
That f'er should be heading to the emergency room with his teeth in his pocket...
He left the lobby, leaving a huge mess at his table...

We'll see if he's at breakfast tomorrow.
A tune-up may be in order...


Monday, June 15, 2015

FTMF - Bill Clinton Edition

It seems like
1) Bill Clinton hasn't learned from that "...the definition of is is" and "I never had sexual relations with that woman" episode way back when...


2) No one gives a shit that the Clintons are a bunch of lying, conniving, greedy, motherfuckers. They will still vote for her.

Watch Billy Jeff on - Politics- start about 4:45 in- he tapdances all around the subject-
Money quote: "Has anybody proved that we did anything objectionable? No."
Hell- watch the whole thing and look at his body language.
He's lying his ass off.

And this is what we'll wind up with back in the White House if we don't wake up and smell what they are shoveling...

(Edit: spelling- post in haste, spellcorrect at leisure)

Sunday, June 14, 2015

I Has a Sad

Well, shit.

My man Borepatch is shutting down his site-

I can understand not wanting to fire up and run the free ice cream machine every day.
I have the same feelings myself all the time.

His was one of the many that I subscribe to on my RSS feed. And as I was doing some checking, it seems like way too many of my feeds have gone dark. Some were 'meh' and some are missed terribly.
Borepatch will be one of the latter.

Fortunately I have had the pleasure of his company on a couple occasions and plan on continuing this trend as often as I can arrange it.
He's not that far away, and is in a city where I already have familial ties, so I will be in the area now and again, and I will make time to meet up with him as often as our collective schedules permit.
I see many two-wheeled meetings in the future-

The only time a goodbye is painful is when you know you'll never say hello again.
Fortunately for me, this is an 'Until we meet again' situation...
For others in the blogosphere, it may well be a sad goodbye.

Take care BP...


In Case You Were Wondering


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Washington Morons

...and Wishful Thinking.

"Just because you pass a law, doesn't mean it will happen."
(or in this case TRY to pass a law. I can't see this bill ever getting a serious read...)

A select group of elected morons led by Ed Markey (D, Mass - Go figure) has decided to try to pass legislation to stop handgun violence by mandating personalization of handguns. Including retrofitting existing guns before they can be sold or even transferred between private individuals.

Read about it here.

Nice thought, if a tad insane...
Ask anyone serious about gun safety about personalizing guns- especially cops.
It's a dumbass concept.
It's amazing to me that they would invoke statistics about cops killed with their own weapons as part of the narrative in the bill.

Doesn't keep folks from researching individualization and trying to find a way to get .gov $$$ for it. And just because there are technologies that might work in some cases, doesn't mean you should mandate its use.

Just because someone has made a flying car passing a law that says 'In ten years, all cars must be flying cars, and all old cars must fly too.' is the same kind of thinking.



Douchebag Parking

I love this-
I'm going to start carrying a big stick of chalk around...


Friday, June 12, 2015

Laundry Day Night

Did my laundry the other night...
(Yes, I do my own laundry... Have you ever seen what they charge to wash a shirt or a pair of pants at a Hilton? It's redicking fuckulous.)

So, a block up O'Farrell is the TL - A DIY laundromat, cafe and bike rental.
A great way to spend a couple hours on an off-evening.

The sign over the door was a good memo from Captain Obvious...

And yes, that's a pterodactyl hanging from the ceiling.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

I'm Impressed With the CHP / Local CA MotorCops.

On the drive between SF and Sacramento I wound up behind a CHP bike...
(I could be wrong- it says 'Police'... Could be a local yokel.)

I did a doubletake-

I don't remember Ponch and Jon being outfitted like this...
The bike:

(Click pic for larger version)

Detail... Let me rotate it, so you can see it better...

Yep -an AR bike mount...
I guess they are good Boy Scouts- Be Prepared!
Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it...
And being on two wheels is no excuse to be ill-prepared.

I'll need to see if they have a mount like that for the Yamaha FJR.


Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Morning Musings

Having breakfast in lovely Vacaville CA, where I was questioned by the waitress because I ordered coffee AND water...
"Are you gonna drink that? We got a water shortage goin' on here."
Honey- I wouldn't have asked for it if I wasn't going to drink it.
That noise you hear is your tip dwindling away...
Notes on the news:
Obama is fucking delusional...
He's not even trying any more. Every time he opens his mouth his lies and  prevarication are more and more obvious.
  • The US is more respected world wide now more than ever?
POTUS please.
  • We have to keep the PacRim trade agreement secret because reasons!
  • Obamacare is teh best! It's 100% on all goals and is hitting or surpassing all expectations.
  • Not only should all the illegal immigrants  undocumented workers- be allowed to stay,  we should welcome anyone who wants to come, and give them free stuff AND a voice in elections.
  • He's got his knickers in a twist because of an issue with Obamacare semantics... the SCOTUS is looking at Obamacare issues and state exchanges and it is threatening his house of straw...
Guess what- remember "we have to pass it to know what's in it"?
How about the ethics and transparency that was supposed to be the bedrock of the O-administration?
So with this in mind- see the above regarding thePacRim Agreement comment above...
Other stuff (just so this doesn't become one long anti-Obama screed)...
  • The McKinney incident:
    If you dig just a little deeper than the race hustlers and the complicit if-it-bleeds-it-leads media are spouting, you'll see the idiot who put together the "pool party" without membership, authorization or permission at that location and promoted it via FB, twitter and the DJ (who also exacerbated the situation) should be charged...
    The hooligans are lucky they only had a gun pointed at them...
    The people involved should have been maced or at least Tazed.
    7 or 8 times. Each.
    Look it up and/or watch the whole 30 minute video- dumbassery on the hoof.
    "Dimepiece" indeed.
  • Bruce "Kaitlyn" Jenner and the ESPN Courage award, and the media falling all over itself to refer to Jenner with feminine pronouns.
    Jeebus Pete, slow the fuck down, people...
    You're doing more damage to your cause by force feeding the agenda.
  • Hillary
    Holy crap people... Please wake up and smell the horseshit, y'all. Especially the turd that sat next to me on the flight out here- with you "It's her turn because Teh Womyn!"
    You're lucky I didn't gouge your eyes out with my car keys, you simpering mouthbreather. Gah.
  • Texas campus carry legislation.
    About fucking time, Lone Star...
    The CC opposition seems to be fixated on the relatively small odds of an active shooter situation as the only time a CC might possibly be of use... so why bother having icky guns around?
    They need to look at the overall violent crimes (especially sexual assaults) comitted on-campus and how they might be resolved, or better yet, deterred due to CC.
    Now if we can get OC in Florida.
    Then we could work on lanesplitting and filtering...
Time to get back on the highway.
The California speed limits aren't going to break themselves...


Saturday, June 06, 2015

The Tenderloin

So, I've mentioned a couple times I'm in SanFran.
Lovely city, so I'm told...
Sadly I'm in the Tenderloin. Not the best spot in the downtown area.

What/where is the Tenderloin?

If you'd like to be depressed, Google images - "SF Tenderloin" for a look at what it's like to walk around here... As a rule- by 9:30 I'm back in the hotel and dialed into Netflix.

I was on walkabout the first night I was here when there was a shooting about a block away- an innocuous 'pop' and and shouting from the corner of O'Farrell and Hyde. About 10 minutes later there were 4 or 5 police cars on the scene. This is at 10pm-
Really crazy shit starts about 11:30 or 12.

Yesterday the guy who runs my favorite taquería (Los Colores) was telling me about a stabbing on Wednesday evening; One of the local traffic shouters (a street person whose primary pastime is to lurch about in the street and incoherently shout at the cars going by) was stabbed in chest by another homeless person.
Not for any good reason- but because "she had bumped into her"...

I initially blew it off- until I was checking out the news-

Suspect in Tenderloin Flees After Stabbing Woman in Chest

At about 10 p.m. Wednesday, a 40-year-old woman was walking near the intersection of Leavenworth and Eddy streets when another woman bumped into her. The woman who bumped into her engaged in an argument and then stabbed her in the chest with a sharp object before fleeing, according to San Francisco police spokesman Officer Albie Esparza.

Police responded and found the victim suffering from a puncture wound to the chest. She was transported to San Francisco General Hospital with injuries that are not considered life-threatening, Esparza said.

There was also a wrong-way-one-way police chase on Monday morning-
At 6am I was in one of the local diners having breakfast and the all-night counterman was watching the police work a traffic accident involving a parked car (where someone was sleeping)- he said a BMW was going the wrong way up Mason Street and hit the car...
Looking at the news a day later...

Stolen BMW’s wild ride across San Francisco

San Francisco police have detained a 37-year-old suspect who allegedly stole a car early this morning from a South of Market BMW dealership by driving it through the showroom window and onto city streets, a police spokesman said.

Upon arrival at the dealership, officers found a large floor to ceiling window of the dealership smashed and discovered cars had been moved around, according to Esparza.
It appears that once the suspect had gained access to the vehicle, he drove it through the window of the dealership and onto the street, according to police.

At 5:23 a.m., police responded to a call of an injury hit-and-run crash at Mason and Post streets near Union Square involving a new BMW, Esparza said.

The suspect in that crash fled the scene on foot after crashing a BMW into a parked vehicle where an occupant was sleeping. Police said the occupant of that vehicle was not seriously injured.

If you add wall-to-wall blue-staters, granola-munching hippies of all description, hipsters trying to gentrify the seedier areas of town, water shortages, wildfires, earthquakes, mudslides, general crime, insane taxes and sky-high prices... well... You see why I'm generally not a fan of this place.

Ok- Now you should be thoroughly horrified about visiting San Francisco in general.

If, however, fate decides to bend you over the back of the sofa and you find yourself staying for an interminable period at the Hilton off Union Square, here are a few places for food and drink that are approved by The Big Guy...

First- as referenced earlier-
Los Colores (link up top)- Tacos & such- Inexpensive & tasty. Try the carne asada.
Also for lunch-
David's Delicatessen - the Chopped Chicken Liver- to die for!
Kucina ni Tess - Fliipino place behind the Hilton. Kawali Lechon (pork belly) and Bistik (beef w/ lemon, onions & soy).

Coco Bang - Korean hole-in-the-wall on Taylor St. Amazing fried chicken.
For drinks (Or early dinner)
Redford - (But go early - at 9 hipsters hit this place hard!)
If you go before 7:00 for dinner, get the Antipasto plate and a Moscow Mule at happy hour prices. The bourbon deviled eggs are great.

Pinecrest Diner - Good basic diner food. -OR-
Olympic Flame Cafe - really basic, better prices than Pinecrest, but really old.

Other places of note:
Hyde Away Blues BBQ & Gumbo cafe. I keep trying to get here, but I keep getting sidetracked or they are closed because they've run out of food.
Brenda's French Soul Food -This place is supposed to be amaze-balls - it's a little bit of a hike, but I'm going there tomorrow for breakfast... Will let you know how it goes.

Pretty much everything I've done is by foot...
If I can swing it, there is a rum bar I want to visit...
Smuggler's Cove - Supposedly one of the top 50 bars in the US...
Any place that boasts over 400 rums on hand definitely has my attention.
Again, film at 11.

If I make it.


Perception - The '(fillintheblank)' Capitol of America!

Sitting in the office, minding my own business (a/k/a eavesdropping) and folks are discussing dinner last night and how one woman (a New Yorker) had to order some seafood dish on the menu-
"Because San Francisco is the seafood capitol of America."


This woman needs a high-five.
In the head.
With a chair.
Sadly I am not in a position where I can administer such a much-needed corrective action.

Uh- Honey-
There's this place- Florida?
I don't know if you've heard of it...
Florida= Oysters, Stone Crab, Lobster, Snapper, Grouper, Shrimp, Wahoo, Cobia and the list goes on ad infinitum...

Yeah- San Fran = blah blah blah - Dungeness crab... Whatever.
SanFran MIGHT be the capitol of the US for one specific species of one type of seafood.
(And she's lucky no one from the Chesapeake Bay region was around to school her on blue crabs...)

Now - I will grant that SF (and especially the Tenderloin, where I am staying) is the California capitol of crazies/crackheads/wacked out meth heads/shouters & screamers...
There has been a shooting within 3 blocks of my hotel every night this week.
Even I don't go out late at night around here...


Friday, June 05, 2015

Compare - Contrast...

Concession prices at the Oracle Arena during game 1 of the NBA Finals...

As compared to The Masters...


I guess if you only have a couple hours to screw over 19,596 people, you have to make the best of the situation.



Word around the campfire last night was that tickets for courtside seats for the Warriors/Cavs first game were selling for...


Well... I guess that's where all the Silicon Valley money (and probably Solyndra and Obama $timulus money) is going.

Gotta love California


Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Doin' Time on Planet NBA

Welcome to June -
I'm firmly embedded, not unlike the storied Alabama Tick, in SF- doing my part for the Finals.
Sadly, I am City One Johnny- I won't be going to Cleveland.
(Breaking my heart here...)

In celebration of the NBA's year-end hoop-de-doo,
cast your eyes upon this little supercut...

Nothin' but net, baby...


Sunday, May 31, 2015

At That Point, A Small Miracle Occurred

I made it.

But just barely...

(I hate running through airports.)

Time Will Tell: United Bones Me Again?

I recently met with our resident Travel Goddess and asked her to change my travel profile to require (if at all possible) a minimum of one hour connection time on any connecting flights.
4 times in the last 6 months I have had flight delays that caused missed connections and other complications, and this was my attempt to mitigate these problems.

Fast forward to the present.
I'm on final into Washington DC with a connecting flight to SFO.
We pushed back from the gate in Jax right on time at 2:10, taxied to an out of the way spot and the pilot announced a ground delay from DC, and we wouldn't be leaving until 2:45.
(This is a typical airline canard to keep 'on time' statistics in their favor.)

A little basic math tells me that my next flight would be in the final stages of boarding when we arrive...
Depending on the proximity of the gates in DC, I might have as much as a 20 minute trip to get to my departing flight...
Not goo DF.

So... during the ground delay I called United and got a tentative booking on a later flight,  in case I miss this one...

I'm doing everything I can to make sure my trips are problem-free...
Why can't United do the same for me?

Film at 11.


Saturday, May 30, 2015

Public Service Announcement

Everyone- watch your asses.
My Ex-Wife is on the road this morning.

Her car wasn't in it's usual parking spot...


Friday, May 29, 2015

Not Worth The Pixels


Did you ever start writing a long screed about something,
then about 8 or 9 paragraphs in you just say
"Fuck it- no one want to hear my bullshit."





Rules - The Follow Up

A few days back I had a post regarding rules that suggested most were due to dire circumstances or mortal lessons...

This is one of those occasions:


Thursday, May 28, 2015

Only At BBQ Restaurant in the South...

...will you hear a waitress and a customer argue about the merits and costs of 4x4 off-road tires.
Her: "...Had those Firestones you like one season. Hated 'em. Useless & expensive, just like a husband with a coke habit."
Him: "No...They're great. We went rock climbing all the time when I lived in San Antone."
Her: "That's nice sweetie, but this here's Flor-i-Da, and we got mud and sand and sandy mud. Get you some Mickey Thompsons Baja MTZs; That's what I'm spending your tip money on...
Those Firestones just suck ass..."
(Drops mic,  walks off.)

Wow. Have a feeling her tire fund won't have a significant bump today.

TBG eavesdropping.

My Reputation Precedes Me

Apparently someone told them I was coming going to be in the area...


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Cannot Humor At This Time, Please Try Again Later

Blah blah blah,

Something something:
Elephant Gloryholes.



Tuesday, May 26, 2015


I had great expectations for attending the Jamboree at A Nice Golf Course...
A couple weeks ago I was in San Francisco at Olympic for the Men's Amateur 4-Ball competition, then in Bandon Oregon, working at Pacific Dunes on the Women's Amateur 4-ball.
I had the following week off...
(That would be last week.)
I should have been getting on my little mule and riding to N 33.503331, W -82.019350 with my clubs strapped to the saddlebags and 50 or 60 fresh-water dimpled pearls (balls recovered from golf course ponds around North Florida) and a pair of football cleats instead of FootJoys (hey, you gotta improvise...).

But no. Sadly, it was not to be.
I got a call whilst in Bandon- The crew that was doing the 3D course scanning in Sacramento (for the Senior US Open) was moving on to Lancaster PA to do the scanning for the Women's US Open and needed some assistance.
Guess what they wanted me to do...

As the old movie trope goes-
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

When I should have been teeing off at Augusta...

I was running a Trimble TX8 scanner... A 60lb laser scanner made for creating high-resolution 3D topographical scans. (Note the sunburned noggin.)

It takes between 12 and 21 scans to cover each hole...
...And about 3-5 minutes to setup the scanner to run, 3 minutes to scan, and 2-3 minutes to hump the laser to the next location for scanning.

My man Clayton- having a little fun at my expense-
"Dude- don't even joke around - You drop that $80,000 laser in the creek and we're all going to have to move to Bugtussle Idaho to avoid the posse that will be looking for us..."

Fun fun fun...

So, Monday to Friday- I was enjoying Lancaster CC- where my pedometer told me I walked about 12-16 miles a day, lost my hat and got a really nice sunburn, while all my compatriots were playing that marvelous course in Georgia.

On the whole I really wish I was in Augusta...

I was really looking forward to the outing and seeing some of our group again, but, alas, perhaps next year...

Next up- Finals. NBA Finals.


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Pop Quiz