Tuesday, October 06, 2015




Saturday, October 03, 2015

Hurricane Effects - El Faro

There is a container boat, the El Faro based here in Jacksonville that's gone missing on its route from Jax to Puerto Rico.
It was last heard from near Crooked Island in the Bahamas,  it's path taking it through the feeder bands of tropical storm (now hurricane) Joaquin...
33 crew are missing.

Just saw that the USCG found a life ring from the vessel 75 miles north of the last know position... not a good sign.

If you are on a first - name basis with a major deity,  please put in a good word for the captain & crew, would you?


Friday, October 02, 2015

Hypocrisy In Action

From Brad Thor's twitter feed

Monday, September 21, 2015

Punishment for Misusing Words

At the table next to mine this AM:

Waitress: "I'll bring you some more Holiday sauce."
(TBGs ears perk up at this...)
Customer 1: "That will be lovely."
(Illiterate waitress leaves)
Customer 2: "What's she bringing?"
C1: "Holiday sauce. For my Eggs Benedict."
C2: "Oh. Ok."

Constant Readers will be proud of me; I did not head-smack either of the customers or the waitress...
I did throw up in my mouth a little,  but no actual projectile vomiting occurred.

Question: How much violence should be allowable to visit upon people that butcher the English language?


Saturday, September 19, 2015


A email server in a bathroom, emails turned over the Gummint, investigations of emails, investigations of aides, etc etc.

Weird... Seems to me there isn't a lot of concern regarding her situation there.
Perhaps it's because she knows that all of that can be dealt with via an executive pardon. (And if you think the current animosity between the Obama administration and Hillary would preclude that,  I have a bridge to sell you... Progressives might bicker, but they protect each other when it comes to the big picture.)

Seems to me that there are lots and lots of things that need to be investigated and that could bear some tasty fruit...
Her not-so-subtle connections with foreign governments, dealings with the Clinton Family Foundation, and all the contributors thereof. Many things.

A quote that might bring some things into perspective:

'If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.'
-Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow

He's right you know...
Think about it.


Friday, September 18, 2015

Women. Can't Live With Them...

...Can't live without 'em
...Can't lead them to water OR make them drink
...Can't judge them by their covers
...Can't shoot 'em without lots of paperwork and hefty prison sentences, usually

...Can't have cake and eat it too
...Can't beat them or join them
...Can't get blood from a turnip.

One of the Boys was tore up- huge fight with his SO, shouting and hurtful words, etc.
As he was lamenting his situation in committee so to speak, we listened and prepared to make some helpful observations and suggestions.
Because that's what guys do. 

We try to help.

He bemoaned the fact that he just doesn't understand his SO, or women in general, that has relationship is teetering on the brink of the abyss and is probably irrevocable.
He solicits us for help regarding understanding women.
A bunch of childish morons who are barely housebroken and have about as much 'understanding' of women as a dog has of analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differential Riemannian manifolds...

Hey, we're not gynecologists, but we can give it a shot.
For my part, I brought all my experience in 40 years of dealing with girls/women and nearly 25 years of marriage, and a heaping amount of book-learnin' in sociology classes at UF, and a boatload of Internet droppings (cause we all know how accurate that shit is) into the conversation.

First and foremost: Don't try to 'understand' women. Women understand women, and they fucking HATE each other.

Second: If a guy talks to other guys for advice (which is rare in and of itself), he is looking help with a situation. He actually WANTS advice.
If a woman goes
to other women for advice she is looking validation regarding her position. She doesn't want advice, but if it bolsters her position, she might fold it into her argument.

But- if your SO wants to talk about her problems and doesn't SPECIFICALLY ASK for advice or help, DO NOT OFFER ADVICE OR HELP.
She just wants to talk about it  SOMEONE and most likely one of her girlfriends wasn't available. Just listen, nod your head sagely and offer non-committal vocal assent.

Guys want to be helpful and fix things- but sadly, women are usually just wanting to talk things through...
(This is one of those 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' things. Men's and women's thought processes are so different it has been opined (read this) that men and women aren't the same race, and probably aren't even the same species.)

Back to our sad friend-
"Look- I understand your feelings.
You miss her, you're miserable without her.
You can't imagine your life without her in it.
You'd do anything for her.
You want her back in your life so bad there is nothing else you can think of... she completely dominates your thoughts 24/7.
There is nothing you wouldn't pay to have her back, 

and would gladly commit horrible violence to regain her.
Men often feel that way about women...

Women feel that way about SHOES*."

How can a guy possibly hope to understand that?

Just suck it up, Buttercup.
Here endeth the lesson.

* To be fair, I know women who are this way about jewelry, booze, fast cars, and at least one that feels that way about guns. Obsession isn't pretty. But it can be entertaining.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

One meeting done. One more to go.
I'm in a shuttle bus heading to midtown Manhattan now for my next meeting.
Might have time for a nosh before the meeting so... yeah. All good so far.

As for 'planes trains etc', it's actually more like:
Motorcycle (30 miles in rain), shuttle bus, plane, train, Uber car, another shuttle van, my size 14s,  a taxi, another train, another plane, and another 30 miles on two wheels back home. 
Probably still in the rain.

I love my job...


Once More, Unto The Breach

Sitting at the airport. Again.

This is a fast kamikaze trip to NYC, outbound flight at 5:50a, two meetings then a 9p flight home.
(So left the house at 4:10a,  back in the door around midnight.)

Except for a drizzle on the way, no issues getting from the beach to JAX, through TSA, and to the gate. (Knock wood)

Looking through the 'blog under the 'travel' and 'travel issues' tags.
The crap I've gone through in the last 10 years when it comes to getting from one place to another...
Don't know how much longer I can keep from giving some TSA moron, airline idjit, or some (other) asshat passenger a well-deserved thumping... Seems as time goes by, the shorter the fuse gets.
I can take solace, after reading back through some of the stories, that I have avoided the no-fly list thus far, but time will tell.
I'm sure there will be camel back breaking straw somewhere down the line, but for the moment, you find me in seat 7B, cussing under my breath and nursing a sore knee.
Update from NJ/NYC shortly.


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Track Record

Chatting with 'the guys' over wings at lunch today I had a pretty horrible realization:

Every time Obama has made a promise to the American people,
pretty much the exact opposite happens:
  • Obamacare and the famous "if you like your policy/doctor you can keep it" line of complete bullshit.
  • Existence of "shovel-ready" projects to waste taxpayer dollars on.
  • The promise of transparency in his administration-  “My administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in government.”
And the biggest lie so far:
“I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will execute the office of president of the United States faithfully, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States.”

Boy, is that a huge lie or what?

What does that say about the Iran nuke deal?


Sunday, September 13, 2015

Wire Cutters


Friday, September 11, 2015


Remember it every day, not just today.


Thursday, September 10, 2015

"I Take Full Responsibility..."

I really wish that some day, when some public figure or career politician says 'I take full responsibility..." that they'd actually be held personally accountable for whatever transgression they had committed.

For instance:
(from PBS.ORG)
The head of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said Tuesday her department takes full responsibility for spilling 3 million gallons of mining waste that turned a southwest Colorado river an unnatural shade of orange, adding it “pains me to no end.”
But of course, you have to read further to see the fine print:
“It is really a tragic and very unfortunate incident, and EPA is taking responsibility to ensure that that spill is cleaned up,” McCarthy said. “I am absolutely, deeply sorry that this ever happened.”
Only cleaned up? What happened to full responsibility?

Here we have similar lip service from Obama when two innocent hostages were killed in an operation against Al Qaeda.
“As president and commander in chief I take full responsibility for all counterterrorism operations, including the one that inadvertently took the lives of Warren and Giovani.”
Full responsibility? Nice words, but what exactly does that mean?

I know when Amtrak took full responsibility for the DC-NY train crash back in May it meant they were going to be paying huge dollars to the families of the victims, plus fines, etc.

And everyone wanted (and got) BP to accept full responsibility for the Gulf oil spill, which cost them billions. (They set aside 47 BILLION to pay fines, compensation, cleanup costs etc)
"We are taking full responsibility for the spill and we will clean it up, and where people can present legitimate claims for damages we will honor them. We are going to be very, very aggressive in all of that," Tony Hayward told Reuters in an interview on Friday. 

Responsibility.  Full Responsibility.

Seems to me that government employees and elected officials always say that, but never face any consequences.

Just sayin'


Monday, September 07, 2015


Hey, you with the hair-trigger email complaint-

99.825% of the content on this website is MY personal experience or opinion...
If you are mentioned here, it's probably because you and I had some sort of interaction.
If you have issues regarding HOW you are portrayed in this narrative- well, that's in your power to control.
If you want me to write nice things about you, you should behave better.

If you have issues with the content here at Listen 2 Uncle Jay or how you are portrayed in articles herein, you might want to pay a visit our complaint department...
Helen Waite used to run the place, but we have farmed out that service to a local legal firm to be sure we fulfill any legal obligations to out readers...
If you have questions regarding deliverables or should have complaints, please contact the legal firm of Phuckov and Dye, you'll find 'em in the yellow pages.

TBG - - BLΟ ΛΛE, Asshat

Kübler-Ross Would Be Appalled - The Five Stages of Blogging

5 stages- I haz it.
Especially after re-reading that last post. Gah.

Upon seeing or experiencing some inanity or stupidity, the thought of "I cannot believe the AssHattery I am seeing here."

"This shit is so FUBAR I must blog about it! To the Keyboard!"

After several hundred keystrokes, a handful of Google searches, a wiki-wander or three, missing out on going to lunch with the new receptionist, and a deadline looming for getting that new contract done and submitted- you make promises:
"Just 2 more paragraphs. And a link to that picture on fark.com...
Then I'll get back to that proposal."

On first proofread:
"What the f... Did a third grader write this?
Nope- A third grader would have done a batter job.
Why do I even try? No one reads this shit anyway. Tam probably wrote about this weeks ago and probably did the job 10 times better."


Fuck it. (presses send)
Like I said- no one reads my shit anyway.
Who gives a shit. At least it's free ice cream.


Saturday, September 05, 2015

Tired of Your Bullshit, Asshat. (Australia Gun Control Edition)

A long-time friend and dis-honorary guest member of the ODMQD Breakfast Club, is a staunch repeal-the-second-amendment, Gunz-R-Bad, dope-smoking, granola munching, NYC/LA wannabe, and as such, we just let him babble on and pretty much ignore his crap...
He usually confines himself to basic inanities about how guns should be outlawed, then just collected up like in Australia and all will be right with the world.
Seems a lot of politicians (Obama included) would embrace the Australian model...
Unfortunately, they only hear anecdotal evidence, not hard facts-
(Like that famous '97%' of scientists that feel the science is settled about Anthropological Global Change [obvious horseshit - read HERE], and that 40% of guns are sold without background checks. [Again- Bullshit - Here.)

So Skippy (an obvious nom de idiot, since I don't want to embarrass him too badly) is going on and on about USA shootings in Virginia, Charleston, Aurora, ad infinitum and speaking in glowing terms about Australia, and I just want to smack him in the head and remind him about the Lindt cafe incident last December...

I keep hearing all about how the Australia mandatory gun buy-back confiscation program is just the model we should embrace...Mostly because Obama said so on a podcast with a bullshit moron unfunny soi-disant 'comedian'. (I'm not going to link to it- fuck 'em. You want to read it, GIMF.)

It was soooooo effective...
They got about 1/3 of the outlawed weapons, so in the US it might be about 100 million of the 300+ million guns. And if history is any indicator, US gun owners will not go quietly into that good night. (I do hope that my man Skippy, Bloomberg, Pelosi, Obama, Feinstein, and Sarah Brady are the people going door-to-door to ask people for their guns.)
Interestingly, if somehow, you get a special dispensation to have a gun in Australia, the ploice can come at any time and search your house and property without any kind of a warrant. Is that REALLY what people want?

People think gun crime is non-existent in Australia...
Think again.

Exercise a little Google-fu:
Here, I 'll even help you out. (Gotta be specific about what KIND of shooting or you'll get basketball results for Woollarra and Bundaburg...)


How's about these apples for 2014:

Is Australia staring down the barrel of a gun crisis? (news.com.au)
* There have been 39 people shot in Sydney (in 2014), most related to an ongoing bikie war.
* Conservative estimates say there are more than a quarter-of-a-million illegal firearms in Australia.
* Gun ownership in Australia is back at pre-Port Arthur massacre levels.
* Carrying a gun is becoming more common and ingrained in outlaw culture.
* Gun amnesties barely put a dent in the number of weapons.
* Innocent people are being caught up in gun battles.
* There has been a steady increase in gun-related crimes over the past seven years.
Sydney gun crime: city suffers three shootings in three hours

Sydney home invasions and drive-by shootings whitewashed by NSW Police

Look, Oz isn't the gun-free utopia that Obama, Bloomberg and the rest of the anti-gun proponents believe it to be. Firearm-related incidents don't get the airplay on the US MSM because it doesn't fit the narrative...

Back to Skippy for a minute-
His position is the need to implement the Aussie-style Draconian measures, force a buy-back on a national level, then after the results are sofa-king ridiculously poor, then go door to door to get the rest of the 200 million firearms that possession was, until this little imaginary exercise, a God-give and constitutionally protected right. And he thinks that's doable.

But, on another note, he doesn't believe rounding up the 11 million (more like 20 million, amirite?) illegal aliens (you fuckin'-a right I said it - ILLEGAL. ALIEN.) is remotely possible. We shouldn't even try.
I really don't think he know what a really motivated gun-owning, 2A proponent is capable of, and prepared to do... Because when push comes to knock-knock-give-me-your-guns, I have a feeling Joe USCitizen will not go all round-heel like the Sheilas Down Under.

Gah- I am surrounded by morons.

- Or... Wait. Is it just me?
A fictional Deputy Marshall, Raylan Givens (more on him in a later post) had some great writers doing his dialog from the TV show Justified on Fox.
He once opined:
"...you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole; you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."
Lots of truth there, it seems.

I'm going to have to rethink my whole personality evaluation paradigm.
Seems like there are some inconsistencies in it...

(Shit- This post wandered quite a bit... Sorry for the digressions.)

tl:dr  Hey Skippy: Fuck off and die in a fire.


Monday, August 31, 2015

Just for the Record

(Just spent several hours enjoying "hospitality" at Beijing Capital Airport.)

I am getting to the point that I hate airports, airlines, airport personnel, airline employees, airline passengers, aircraft, and air travel in general.

I'd take the train everywhere if I hadn't found bedbugs on me during the trip on Amtrak in February...

Time for some serious decision-making.

More in 15 to 17 hours.


Saturday, August 29, 2015

Back to Beijing - IAAF World Champs 2015

(Like Famous the Tam is wont to say, I hate using good stuff at an away game.
I had to write up the my current tasking here for Oculus, the company newsletter; 

Since I wrote it, I have no issue with reproducing it here... Enjoy.)

Has it really been seven years?
Yes … Just seven years ago, the Olympic Green in Beijing was simply awash with my co-workers.

StAss the Mad Russian, Chief Propeller Head, Ty, Ben (no longer) in Florida, The Apostle, Spongemark, SGK, and a host of others in addition to your humble correspondent were dispatched far and wide over Beijing during the 2008 Olympics.
(For some of those tales, head to the left of the page and navigate to Aug of 2008, or click the Olympic tag to see all of that content)

Ah, yes- the agonizingly slow buses to the shoebox-like accommodations, the thorough and very invasive security pat-downs to get in and out of event spaces, the insane traffic as we tried to go from site to site or to see the local attractions, and of course, the spectacle of the opening ceremonies. Good times...good times...

Fast-forward to August 2015, and we (and by we, I mean yours truly, the lone survivor from the Battle of Beijing) are back in the Celestial Kingdom, and once again courting heat stroke, black lung disease and food poisoning as we provide stats interfacing for the Really Big American Network broadcast for the IAAF World Track & Field Championships in the National Stadium (国家体育场北京 aka the Bird's Nest). The former Olympic sites are a little faded and dusty, but the Water Cube and the other structures around the former Olympic site are still very recognizable.

Your humble correspondent is the boots-on-the-ground in Beijing, with very capable tele-support provided back in Florida by St.Ass and  The Apostle. This World Championship is basically a pre-Olympic event, a warm-up if you will, for the Rio Olympics in August 2016.

I had a bit of a scare in the days leading up to departure for the event … The container of equipment for the event was on-site in the port of Tainjin when a warehouse full of chemical and explosives blew up. I was sitting on the edge of my seat to find out if the container was OK. A backup plan was put in place where I would hand-carry the equipment in case the container was damaged, lost or destroyed.

The word came down the day before I left Jacksonville that the container had arrived in Beijing and all was well. (I brought the backup equipment anyway, because you never know.)

On arrival, I found the pre-shipped equipment was in pristine condition. I wish I was in as good condition after the 25 or so travel-hours it took to me get here.


There is a huge parade and showcase for Chinese militaria next week in front of Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City, in celebration of the anniversary of the victory over Japanese aggression (not kidding).
They are practicing different aspectds of how they will be screwing up basic services and inconveniencing everyone this week... We got caught in a traffic holdup and after waiting on a freeway offramp for 45 minutes and a van with no A/C, I said Adios MotherF'er and walked to the site... Ain't nobody got time for this.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I set up a Teamviewer app and was running my systems from the bar in the hotel, in order to avoid the traffic and the roasting highways.
No truth at all. None. Nothing to see here... Just move along.

I said move along. Now go.


My real workstation at the Birds Nest....

So China   Much exotic    Very Broadcast   Amaze.
There is a little Easter egg here that a few folks caught. So worth it.
The TIS Virus lives!!

A funny story: Everyone knows that the Silk Street Market is a six-floor building dedicated to separating tourists from their money in exchange for counterfeit or poorly made knock-offs of name-brand merchandise and mass-produced tchotchkes and gewgaws.

First-timers are cautioned not to go alone, or at least to be very wary of any deal that seems too good to be true. And this visit was no different.

The crew headed for the Silk Street Market to shop for souvenirs. One of the NBC runners for the event, who we shall call "Ferguson" in order to shield him from further ridicule, split off from the rest of us in search of adventure and treasure.

When we caught up with him later, we found he had not heeded the warnings from the Old China Hands on the crew, and proudly showed off his new "finest quality" Rolex he had just purchased for a ridiculously high "friend-price." Most of us, having seen the gamut of knock-off Rolexes from the shoddy to the near-perfect, gathered around to see how he did.

In a word: Awful.

Crappy band, ticking second hand, lightweight ... It was sad.
And poor Ferguson...
He thought he'd gotten a deal.
They saw him coming and they laid the sales pitch on hard.
Sat him down, gave him a cup of tea, brought out the pretty inlaid wood boxes and gave it to him with both barrels.

Word of his folly spread quickly once we got to the site for work that day...

And to add insult to injury, his painful lesson was reinforced every day, all day long on-site. 
There is a tape source named 'X'. During the broadcast, the director will call cameras and tape sources to be used on the air, and very, very often we will hear the director call "Ready X ... Roll X!" (Rolex! - Get it?)
In the spirit of fun, everyone started calling the source "Ferguson" or "Ferg" - So we heard "Ready Ferg ... Roll Ferg!" instead of “Roll X!” all through the broadcast.

From our "That Dude is Fucked" Department...

By now everyone should have seen The World's Fastest Man, Usain Bolt get taken out by a Chinese cameraman on a hands-free Segway...
Fortunately Bolt escaped the attack unscathed, later joking that American Justin Gatlin had paid the guy to run him over...
He had a great sense of humor about it.
Not sure the Ogranizing Committee will be as forgiving. They have zero tolerance policy  about public embarrassment. That and the $50,000 camera he destroyed...
I have a feeling that next week Segway CameraDude will be posted in 二连浩特市, (which is so far away that it doesn't have an English pronunciation) and will be videotaping yak turds for the rest of his career.

Outta here on Monday.

Cannot wait.


Saturday, August 22, 2015

Track & Field: Observations

Watching the Heptathlon this morning.

1. These girls need a sandwich.

2. They are angry.

They're angry because they need a sandwich. With bacon.
Maybe a pork belly sandwich with bacon.
On bacon bread.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

That Ought To Hold Them For A While

Delivery time... A new shipment arrives at the Kardashian's house...


Sunday, August 16, 2015

Possibilities: Political Prediction from Uncle Jay

With all the coverage spinning up and the fallout from the Benghazi hearings, the classified info on her server, and lying about it, SS Hillary seems to be tanking fast.
I'm not a professional political pundit and have been known to be wrong occasionally, but I don't see her lasting too much longer.

I'm sure everyone's seen that Bubba and Obama spent the weekend together...
I'll bet there has been some pretty interesting off-course discussions, and probably some deal-making.

Hillary will withdraw for "health reasons", and Dirty Uncle Joe Biden will enter the race.
Once all the investigations have run their course, Hillary will get an executive pardon and a clean slate as a thank-you for putting Sheriff Joe in the Democratic Party's catbird seat.

Again, I might be wrong- but it sure seems like a distinct possibility.


Saturday, August 15, 2015

On Pins & Needles

Heading to Beijing on Wednesday...
I'm a little concerned with the event and my ability to work the contract deliverables-
I sent all my equipment to the project principal in May for them to cross ship to China in their container.
Guess where the container is/was last week?

I'm hoping that the container makes it to Beijing...
Hope, however, doesn't pay the bills, so I will be hand-carrying some extra equipment when I go, just in case the container (and my stuff) was blown to smithereens.
It's always something...

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Still in Montana...

(Montana manatee in Swiftcurrent Lake, near Many Glacier in Glacier NP)

Friendly Advice*:
Don't taunt the moose.
Don't feed the moose.
Don't get near the moose.

They look like doofy horses, but they're bad-tempered, weighty, and strong.
If you want to simulate the after effects of a moose attack, hoist a pallet of cinder blocks two stories up, then drop it on your chest.

Just because it won't eat you afterwards, it doesn't mean it won't kill you.

A Møøse once bit my sister.
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse...

*Really true this time. Not kidding.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Observations from the Field

Watching the news in the last couple weeks about the oh-so-Earthlike planet (somewhere off the Kessel run, reachable in 11 parsecs or so) and all the speculation therein...

We (all the Family here on vacation in Montana) were discussing the possibilities.

My final opinion, just before packing it in (at 7:30 PM - I was TIRED) was:

"I don't even qualify to live in Australia.
Even if we were able to colonize another planet in my life time there's not a chance they'd let me live there."



Friday, August 07, 2015


Bearhat Mountain, above Logan Pass & Hidden Lake, Glacier Nat'l Park.

The Huckleberry Thief

Hey Yogi! Where are all the picnic baskets?

The young black bear that lives near our house in East Glacier Park.


Life ProTip: In The Backcountry

Friendly advice*:

Prior to going out on a back country hike out here in Glacier National Park, make sure to slather yourself with Bear Spray...

And be sure to give the kids an extra-heavy dose... wouldn't want anyone to get hurt by the marauding
Ursus arctos horribilis.

I know...
Some people just want to watch the world burn.

*This Satire. Do not do this. This is a joke. Srsly.

Notes From Vacationland

Been on a little family vacation in Nosebleed, Montana...

I've been keeping notes since liveblogging is impossible in the land of moose, bears, elk and non-existent WiFi.

I have a few things to share- starting on the trip out here...

(From Sunday AM Flight)

On the flight from MCO to ORD,
I have the Weather Channel on the in-flight entertainment system...
They are ginning up all the enthusiasm they can muster for a very marginal tropical storm (Guillermo) in the Pacific...

You know, it's got to be killing them that they don't have a Cat-4 or 5 storm so far in the 2015 hurricane season.
(Considering that they have way overestimated the number of Cat3+ storms the past few years  this is quite an embarrassment for them.)

Sadly (for them) all they can doomshout about is the "record-breaking heat" and the probable effects on the Arctic icecap.

Of course, when  a Climate Denier mentions record cold or consecutive below - zero calendar weeks, he is admonished that "current weather is NOT 'climate'", and not to mistake months of record breaking cold over large areas as any kind of indicator of climate trend...

There are 2 flies buzzing around the cabin of this aircraft.
They will have quite the story to tell their new fly friends on arrival in Chicago...

ChiFly: "Hey. You're new around this shithole. Where are you from?"
FlaFly: "Hi. I'm from Florida."
ChiFly: "Wow. How'd you get here?"
FlaFly: "I flew, of course."
ChiFly: "Damn. Respect."